Oot and Aboot!

I was released on Thursday, and it could not have come soon enough. The care I received was excellent, but the unit was loud, too many nurses bugging me, and just not enough control over my own space. The apartment might be loud at times and have a few other draw backs, but it is a far nicer place to be at..

I have, however, not being feeling great the last few days. The initial momentum I had right after the surgery (you know, the joy of breathing again) ran out the middle of last week. The cause I point to would be the tubes I had down my throat, four at one point. I am still sore from that, my throat is not as talented as some peoples i guess....*giggle*. The issue is that it has made it hard to eat and drink anything. And having to swallow, I shit you not, a shot glass of pills a day has not help the healing process. So if you eat less, you have less energy. Less energy to do things like get up and walk around, and you just generally feel like garbage. And when that happens...You don't feel like eating. Vicious cycle FTW!

So my little red wagon started out screaming down the hill, but has come to a stop in the tall grass. It has come time to get out and pull. When Your day to day accomplishments are many and significant, it is easy to keep going hard and strong. Once they start getting spaced out or become indistinct it can begin to seem like you are going backwards. I told this all to my doctor at clinic yesterday. How I was feeling nauseous, having trouble eating, tired all the time. He said "yeah that is all in keeping with someone who just had a major surgery, we did just cut you in half 3 weeks ago".

That put my mind at easy, knowing that I wasn't back sliding and that I'm still on the right track. I am still ahead of the game with many things: I am not using as much pain killer as average, all my stitches are healing cleanly, and I am back on a regular diet. So there are always place to find improvements being made.

I have to re frame this recovery in my mind. This three months stay is not about tweeking medication, rehab, and adjusting to a new normal. This three months is the equivalent of the two days the make you stay in the hospital after you break your leg. It is the bare minimum of time to heal from the kind of surgery. thinking about it this way is going to help me reconcile how I feel when I might be slowing down. That all I have for now.