Well I have made it through to the final week I am going home for good tomorrow after I see the doctors. No more sneaking home on weekends, or skypeing, or my phone not reciving text messages(this has been going on for more than a week now, apologizes to anyone whom did not get a reply from me). I just get to live in Calgary again.
Edmonton may not be the as bad as I think it is. My friends who live here are great, I wish I had seen more of them while I was here, that may have changed how I feel about this place. But my Edmonton has been the university hospital and 112 ST. Three months of sirens, honking traffic, 2am drunken arguments, and sharing a small one room apartment has colored my impression slightly. Hawaii is a great place, however if all you ever did while your were there was chemo-therapy you could come away with a poor opinion of the place.
I have been speaking with a psychologist since I bottomed out a few weeks ago. She suggested setting up some goals for when I am back home, so my life there is just a mirror of Edmonton (get up struggle to eat, work out, struggle to drink, netflix, go to bed at 830). There several things that I can do in Calgary once I'm home that won't have been possible here. Those tasks should take me a few days or a week or two to get of that in place. By then I should have a good daily routine in place for exercise, get my self reestablished socially(cause I know ya'll miss my ass), and make sure no ones been touching my stuff!
I'm eating better now, and off even more medication, and all my three month test/scans are looking good. Things are on the upswing, so if I can avoid the plague of doom that is circulating around Calgary now(at least till after Halloween) I should be looking back on all this and be wondering what the big deal was.
Thursday, 18 October 2012
Thursday, 4 October 2012
On issues and the future
So...that last post was something. I should start by saying that this was not directed at or triggered by anybody. I am sorry if anyone was hurt or felt attack by my words. I'm not sorry I said them thought. That was how felt at the time, and that makes it true. It was an honest representation of my condition, and that is what this blog is for, to give a picture of my recovery to those who care. And right now...stuff blows.
The lungs are working better than Swiss watch made by magical dwarfs, but my limiting factor doesn't stem from there, right now it is energy. Because of what my doctors think, and I hope, were medication related side effects I have had GI problems for a few weeks. Nothing like breaking free from O2 hose only to shackled to the toilet. This has led to me being dehydrated, severely, I can't keep up the intake to offset the out put. In addition my throat still hurts from the tubes. Ten weeks out and it is still a problem that keeps me from eating very much. And the stomach cramping doesn't help either or that meds make food taste like ash flavoured razor blades. So I'm drinking less and eating very little, I'm losing fluid at a rate that a one liter bag of IV fluid did make me have to pee till the next day, this adds up to me feeling as bad as I did during my last bone marrow transplant.
With these complications it makes it terribly hard to pull myself out of bed in the mornings. You ever hear that saying "the blankets were heavy this morning", yeah I literally feel that, moving a duvet off me takes effort. That is what happens when you lose 30 pounds in 10 weeks(that also makes me feel cold all the time). Mornings are very difficult to get through, not like the rest of the day is always a picnic but really dread mornings. I have to get up early for something I don't want to do> Its like a having a job you hate and there is no opportunity to steal pens or rubber bands.
Somehow I end up in the gym 5 days a week, and try to complete most of the workout. I spend and hour and a half trying to eat lunch everyday, but I'm still eating. Any thing I drink makes me feel bloated, and I am never without a glass of water. I can and will get through this, I am just up to my neck in it right now.
Related updates to come.
The lungs are working better than Swiss watch made by magical dwarfs, but my limiting factor doesn't stem from there, right now it is energy. Because of what my doctors think, and I hope, were medication related side effects I have had GI problems for a few weeks. Nothing like breaking free from O2 hose only to shackled to the toilet. This has led to me being dehydrated, severely, I can't keep up the intake to offset the out put. In addition my throat still hurts from the tubes. Ten weeks out and it is still a problem that keeps me from eating very much. And the stomach cramping doesn't help either or that meds make food taste like ash flavoured razor blades. So I'm drinking less and eating very little, I'm losing fluid at a rate that a one liter bag of IV fluid did make me have to pee till the next day, this adds up to me feeling as bad as I did during my last bone marrow transplant.
With these complications it makes it terribly hard to pull myself out of bed in the mornings. You ever hear that saying "the blankets were heavy this morning", yeah I literally feel that, moving a duvet off me takes effort. That is what happens when you lose 30 pounds in 10 weeks(that also makes me feel cold all the time). Mornings are very difficult to get through, not like the rest of the day is always a picnic but really dread mornings. I have to get up early for something I don't want to do> Its like a having a job you hate and there is no opportunity to steal pens or rubber bands.
Somehow I end up in the gym 5 days a week, and try to complete most of the workout. I spend and hour and a half trying to eat lunch everyday, but I'm still eating. Any thing I drink makes me feel bloated, and I am never without a glass of water. I can and will get through this, I am just up to my neck in it right now.
Related updates to come.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)